He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
