you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
