I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
