if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
