he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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