I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
