just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I was not drunk enough for that final.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
