thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
