My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
