I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
