my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I touched a dick in church today
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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