I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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