it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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