it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize