The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
