so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
