So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
