Im at strip club and am horny
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
honey bunches of taint.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
