Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
