Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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