You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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