the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
