I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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