If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
