yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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