Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
