shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
