Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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