I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
