nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
