You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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