maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
