You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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