you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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