I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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