i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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