considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
