tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
