2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you would pick up someone in the library
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
