3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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