im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
