Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
