So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
