It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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