I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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