i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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