we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
