bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
