You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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