people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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