id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
