Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
