it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
