I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
