I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
