Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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