Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I won the penis lottery.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
