wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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