Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
