Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
two words: eviction party
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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