I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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