y did u give ur computer a hand job?
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
