I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
