I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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