I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
