I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
