Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
