You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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