just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
