she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
